The balance between my jobs as a nanny and as a writer, editor and communicator helps me be better at both jobs. In both positions, using the right words and sharing the right information is crucial. What I have learnt over the last seven years as a nanny is that one of the most important things you can teach a child is to communicate effectively, and you can teach that from a very young age.
What a lot of people in child care forget is that what you're essentially doing is equipping small people to become competent adults. That how you behave around children is teaching them how they will behave. It is very important that you show children that being clear and honest communicators will get them what they want. It will give them a very solid foundation for the rest of their lives, and it will make your life as a carer easier too!
I have noticed that around three years of age, when most toddlers can talk quite well, children can revert back to making baby noises and whinging. Simply telling the child that you find it hard to understand when they just make noises, and that they are big kids now and that they know lots of words, will eventually get them to realise that that is not the way to get what they want.
Another way to enhance a child's communication is to discuss times when you might have been angry or they have misbehaved, when you are both calm and relaxed and doing something together. Always be prepared to explain why they got into trouble, and what they can do to not end up in the same situation again. When you can communicate to them what upsets you in a calm and clear way, they will hopefully mirror in telling you when they are upset what has upset them.
Children are not stupid, they are simply inexperienced. That's why it is very important to do a lot of explaining about how to use words to get what you want, and to relate to others. You can explain very complex things to them, as long as you use words and examples they understand. Some of my seven year old kids have been taught the word empathy at school, and they were very competent in explaining it to me. I was obviously very impressed!
Sibling communication can be very challenging - make sure you have all children involved when you discuss a previous conflict at a calm time. Talk to each child individually as well. Make children see how nice it is to be spoken to respectfully instead of being yelled at or simply ignored. Just use an example such telling the difference between being told "That's mine! Give it back!" to "I understand you like playing with my toy, but I'd like to play with it now. You can have another go later."
This might sound like a trite way to talk for children, but encouraging courteous behaviour really will help them in the future.
It is also very important to teach children that to ignore others is incredibly rude and won't be tolerated. If explaining it to them (many times in a calm manner) does not work, ask them how they would feel if you ignored them when they ask you for something, or want to explain something to you. If that doesn't work, you might have to ignore them a few times and then at the moment of their irritation bring to their attention that they do the same thing to you and ask if they now understand how unpleasant it can be.
Make sure that if you make a reasonable request of a child and you are purposely ignored, that you take the time to approach the child, look into their eyes and explain that ignoring you is not going to result in them not having to do as asked.
Another big challenge is interrupting and talking over the top of each other. I look after three sisters between four and seven and at times I feel like my head might explode when they are talking all at the same time, and instead of waiting for the others to finish, they just talk louder!
I always say that I can only understand one voice at a time and that I will each give them time to talk and when it is their turn I will give them my undivided attention. I also make sure that one child interrupts another while they are telling me something, that I tell the interruptor to wait a moment until the first child is finished. It's a time consuming way to talk, but it works! And don't let them interrupt you either, especially when you're answering one of their questions of giving them important instructions.
And make sure that you don't interrupt them, unless it's important and then do it in a polite way. A child's chatter might sound unimportant to you, but it's never unimportant to them.
Patience is key. Be prepared to go over things many times. Be consistent, and calm most of all. And as always, lead by example. If you communicate calmly, clearly and firmly, that's what you will teach the children in your life. And as always, never raise your voice, except in emergencies - it will keep situations from turning into yelling matches, and will keep everyone calm.
Good luck, let me know how you go and share your success stories and tips!
