I can dance

Part of what makes me quite a happy person is that I like my body. I am a woman of 31 (nearly 32!) and I'm ok with what "ma mamma gave me" as they say in some popular music towards the hip hop genre. Not that I am too familiar with popular music, though. I am more fond of slightly less mainstream music.

Regardless of music choice, though, I like what I got when it comes to arms and legs and what they are attached to. I doesn't happen to many people, especially women, and at the moment (fresh from food-filled time in Europe) I feel a little like there's a bit more of me to like that I would like, if you get my drift, but I know I can lose those extra areas without too much worry.

But I have a very healthy appreciation for my body, and one of the things I love is that I am well and truly flexible. I have danced all my life, and I do yoga, and the gym is a fun place I visit happily quite a few times a week. It gives me a smug sense of satisfaction when I am the only yoga student in the room who can do a tricky pose and hold it. You gotta get your self-esteem from somewhere, right?

My body also has this amazing ability to mend itself very quickly. I know most bodies mend themselves, thank goodness, as a lot of us are accident-prone, myself included. But I just keep being amazed at how quickly my body can hide the evidence of my clumsiness. Thank you, body!

Also, I just love to dance. I have done ballet most of my life, and have a good sense of balance, which has helped me out on so many occasions. It's wonderful to know that your body is your most wonderful tool and you are in charge of it.

So I like mirrors. Why the hell not? I'm not vain. But I like seeing that my butt is round and not flat of too flabby. It's not tiny, my butt, it's normal, and it's nice looking because of my own hard work at the gym. That makes me feel good. Going to the gym and seeing the results makes me feel great.

You know when I felt super smug about my body and its abilities last? A week ago. I do this quite challenging class at the gym called CXWORX and it involves quite a lot of core strength, balance and stamina. Last week this massively muscly man came and joined the class for the first time. He looked strong, you know, like he would totally dominate the class. But he could barely do a few repetitions of any of the exercises, more than half the class he was on the floor doing nothing but looking miserable. Of course, I wasn't doing it whistling with my eyes closed while texting on my phone either (nobody can except our hunky instructor, although I have never seen him do it whistling with his eyes closed while texting), but I managed pretty well. I found smugness was totally acceptable there.

I try to teach the kids I care for that bodies are amazing, how they repair themselves, and why they are able to make you go fast, to jump, to dance, to stretch, to climb and dangle. And that it's up to you to make sure it can keep doing that. I ask them what it takes for their bodies to be able to keep doing these amazing things. They quickly realise that it's nutrition and rest. One needs to sleep enough and to eat right for your body to be in perfect condition for adventures and fun. To put in the right fuel, so your body can be a rocket.

Food is such an important part of life. I won't dive too deep into my philosophy on food quite yet, but it all comes down to this: enjoy what you eat, eat consciously, eat in good company whenever possible and make sure you don't eat too much or too little of anything. Know your food, and know that the younger you start eating right, the longer you might live. I will dedicate more time to write about food for kids and cooking together, recipes and such, but I have seen with my own two eyes that babies who are fed varied, healthy and wholesome foods turn into kids that are not very fussy eaters. I have also learned that kids who are involved with cooking, growing and preparing food will be less likely to turn their nose up at food or refuse to try things. And of course, they learn to eat from their parents/carers. So eat healthy yourself if you want your kids to eat right.

I am a lucky person having a wonderful, healthy, fully functioning body. I can do things I enjoy with ease and grace. I can run, jump, climb, dance. There are people out there who have to deal with a body that is not able to do everything they might want. But most of those people still manage to be happy and enjoy their life and develop parts of their body to make up for the parts that might not work. Bodies are amazing like that. 

The lesson

Here's what I have learnt about children:

You are theirs.

The only moment is now.

They want to have power.

Love is power.

Children see you as theirs. You are their chairs, their stepping stools, their Google, their maids, their cooks, their cleaners, their everything. It's an imposing role I had no idea about, but I quickly realised it very demanding. Children do not respect your personal space, your personal time, your personal feelings, but not because they're disrespectful, but because they have never had to as a baby, you as parent/carer chose to be their everything when you took them into your life.

The only moment is now. Children do not have that very wise teacher called Hindsight, for the obvious reason of not having been around as many years as you have. They do not plan ahead, because ahead is far away in the future and whatever is happening now is all that they can concentrate on. This is also the case when it comes to tantrums and wanting something. They can not place events in perspective, so every experience is huge. It is your job to teach them about learning from what has happened in the past, the consequences of those events, and how we can use those events to make the future more controllable.

Because that's all kids really want: power and control. The world is huge, as you might have noticed yourself, even for adults there is so much you cannot comprehend or change. Most of the world kids encounter, they cannot control, is thrust upon them, does not make sense or is too big to grasp (physically as well as mentally) and any way feeling in control is good for them. You get to choose so many things as an adult, and children do not. They want to, they need to, feel power and control. Give them that, in direct relation to their place in the world. Small person, small powers. But enough to feel in control.

Your love gives them power. So much power. Enough power for little people. Your trust gives them power. You trust them to do what you ask of them, and your praise is enough reward. Use your love liberally, frequently, exclusively. Ask your two-year old to help you unpack the dishwasher, let them handle what they can, and then say 'thank you for your help, you are a fantastic helper' and give them a big cuddle. Done. Behaviour rewarded. Then say when you you are out for a chino together 'You know what I love about you? You always help me do my jobs. I like unpacking the dishwasher with you.' That is enough incentive for them to do it again. Start young, it will pay hugely. 

Here are some firm points I stick to when interacting with little people.

I am not your stepping stool/chair 

Have you noticed how children constantly step on your feet? You are literally their step-up to whatever's interesting. So I say 'please don't stand on my feet, it hurts. I am happy to lift you up, or show you where there is a stool you can climb on.' 

Your feet are yours, as is all of your body, and you are not required to share it completely with children. Sure as a baby and tiny one your body is theirs mostly because they can't use their own yet, but the older they get, the more they can fend for themselves, encourage that. 

I will help them get a chair to sit on when eating. No eating on my lap,  I am not a chair, I tell them I don't want to get crumbs in their hair or spill my drink on them. You sit on your chair, I sit on mine, we eat our lunch, and after we can cuddle all we want. Take that time to enjoy your personal space, cuddles and children on laps feel much better when you choose to have them there.

I am not your mule 

Have you ever seen a parent/carer struggle carrying two little backpacks, a bike, a teddy, and their own bag as well? And the children skipping along, not a care in the world? 

Sure, childhood is all about freedom. But it is also about learning about taking responsibility and sharing the load. When I go for an outing with kids, and they insist on taking teddy to the playground, and riding their bikes there, I will ask them what they intend on doing with teddy when they want to climb and play at the playground and whether they want to ride their bikes back as well. Often they will decided to leave teddy at home. I tell them I am not there to carry their things, they are their things and they have to take responsibility for their things. I  always carry my bag. I look after my favourite toys really well (my wallet, my phone, etc) because they are important to me and I have to take them places. 

I don't ask them to carry my things, so they can't assume I will carry theirs just because they don't feel like doing it themselves anymore. Sure, if they have decided to take teddy to the playground, and carried him all the way there, I will hang on to them so they can play and climb. But I will pass teddy back once it's time to go back home. 

I am not a rubbish bin 

And how about that other classic children's gesture: they unwrap the treat they are given and hand you the wrapper and tuck into their treat without even looking at you.

My reaction is usually looking around in wonder and saying "Huh, did I just turn into a rubbish bin?" That will get their attention: they will want to see if you have turned into a rubbish bin indeed, and then I tell them that there's a bin in the kitchen/just by that park bench/over there and if they would mind putting their own rubbish in there, please. 

You are there to teach them how to dispose of rubbish, not to do it for them. Metaphorically as well! You are there to help them solve their problems, not to do it for them. They need to learn from their experience and you have enough to do already!

I am an adult, and they have adult jobs to do

 Here's another one: A parent/carer asking a kid "Can I please change your nappy?" or "We need to go to the supermarket now, is that ok?"

That always makes my jaw drop. Why would you ask a child permission for a task that is your responsibility? You do not need to ask permission of children for anything, really. It's one of the things that comes with the freedom of being a kid: you have to accept that adults will do the boring jobs in the world to enable your freedom. It's not such a bad deal, is it? 

And what will happen if you ask your kid if you can please go to the supermarket, and they say (a likely) "No! I want you to stay here and play with me!" What, you're going to not go to the supermarket? Of course you're going to go, regardless of what your child says, because it needs to be done if you all want to eat. And then it will only upset the child, first you ask if it's ok, they say 'no' and you're going to go anyway: how unfair is that? 

Explain firmly and calmly that jobs need to be done, it's up to you to do them, and because of that, they can enjoy the results. If they make a fuss, offer a role reversal. Say "here's the car keys, you go do the shopping by yourself, while I stay here and play with Florence." What do you think they'll say to that?

This technique also works very well with nap-time. When your toddler refuses to go and have a nap, say "Ok then, I would love a sleep, why don't I go lie in your bed with your teddies, and you can do the dishes and sweep the floor, do the washing and put out the recycling." 

Children just don't want to miss out on the fun they have with you, but if you make clear that being an adult has very boring tasks, and lots of them, they will soon realise they rather let you do it while they do something fun.

Here's your options

What do you expect the answer will be if you ask children: "What do you want to wear?" or "What would you like for dinner?" or "Where do you want to go today?"

The likely answers: My cinderella/buzz lightyear outfit, McDonals/ice-cream/biscuits, the moon/Disneyland/the movies.

The lesson: do not ask open ended questions when you want to control the answer.  They have fabulous imaginations and their answers are not always the thing you are willing to give them.  So give them options.  Children can't handle the amount of control adults have, a small amount of power is enough. You are not their personal slaves, so you choose the answers you are willing to respond to and ask the question according to what you want them to do. Don't disappoint them by asking a question, them giving you an honest answer, and then having to tell them they can't have what you asked them they wanted. 

Offer the option "Do you want to wear this shirt, or this one?" or "Would you like to eat chicken for dinner or beef?" or "Shall we go to the zoo or the playground today?" Sometimes they will come with another option, and then you can choose whether you're ok with that, and often these other options will be much more realistic than wearing their cinderella costume to the moon while eating a dinner of ice-cream.

It makes life so much easier for both of you. You are in control, they feel in control. Simple. Happy end.

I love you unconditionally

A kid does something naughty, or silly and the parent/carer yells: "What have you done? You are such a naughty boy/girl!" 

All a kid wants from you is your love. Whether you're their parent, grandparent, nanny, carer. It's a simple thing and it's so easy to give. Until they mess up. Then your words can become weapons of mass destruction. 

Honestly, often the experience of doing something stupid and realising they messed up is enough punishment for a child. What you need to do is communicate that what they did was wrong, and to make sure they learn from it and do not do it again. Use the words "What you did was a naughty thing to do" rather than calling them a naughty child, the action was naughty, but they are not inherently bad children. Use a firm voice, don't yell, and be very clear about what was wrong about what they did.

I was looking after some two-year olds, and I was making their dinner while they did some drawing with crayons. Suddenly it was too quiet and I didn't see them at their little table anymore. They had gone and drawn all over the while walls with their crayons. All I had to do was say in my firm voice "No girls, we do not draw on walls." One of them was so aware she had done something she wasn't supposed to that she lay face-down on the floor and hid her face with her hands. So of course, I explain to them that I still loved them endlessly, but that one simply does not draw on walls. "It's ok, we'll clean it up together. Mummy and Daddy painted those walls white because they like them that way, and I think they would prefer to keep them that way. Let's draw on paper from now on." (To see the results of similar artful expressions of kids, check this blog called S&*t my Kids Ruined, it's hilarious.)

Kids often don't know what they're doing is wrong until it's done already. They are ignorant because of inexperience, but they're not stupid. They don't know the consequence of their actions most of the time. And you yelling at them that they are naughty makes them feel so full of hurt they're unable to take in what happened. The person they love so much is yelling, is angry, and that's all they experience at that moment.

Stay calm, explain, if punishment is needed explain that that is the consequences of their actions, and when all is said and done, hug them and tell them you still love them. At a later stage, when you're both happy and relaxed together doing something, talk about what happened. Put it in perspective. They will store that information for future reference. 

So, that is my little guide of how to have a happy relationship with kids when it comes to challenges. Of course there are many instances where I get to enjoy the fruits of living by these points, I am offered more love than I could imagine and have so much fun. Happy children are the world's purest form of joy. It's just your job to have the kids be happy as much as you can.

Cafes in the world of Florence

As promised I will post a short list of my favourite cafes. Of course it is quite limited because I mostly frequent cafes in my local area (Northern suburbs of Melbourne), but there are other blogs that mention cafes elsewhere. Here's one that lists child-friendly cafes in all of Melbourne, for example. And this blog also covers restaurants and cafes in Sydney. All one needs to do is google 'child friendly cafes' with your city behind it and I'm sure you'll find a blog to help you find one. Of course, as mentioned in my posts about coffee, one can also google cafes with good or the best coffee. Frankly, you can google anything in the whole wide world and you shall find what you need. The interweb is good like that.

So, I have two categories, one is cafes I frequent with kids and then there's the category I frequent to get away from kids. Sometimes they are one the same, though. Depends on my frame of mind. Please be advised that this list is merely based on my opinion, and I am not an expert on anything but being Florence. It is also very limited as I go to many cafes and these are just the tip of the iceberg, but otherwise this blog would go on forever. And ever.


Northern Soul

Best overall cafe in my opinion is my local hangout and general happy place Northern Soul on High street in Thornbury. I go here with or without children. It is owned by a lovely British couple and their coffee is consistently very good (Toby's estate coffee) and the food is always delicious and nutritious. They have a changing lunch menu and a set breakfast menu. I love coming here so much, because it's always warm and welcoming, and the music is always nice. High chairs available.
My favourite dish: Spinach and Ricotta filo with salad. (I always go there more often when I have spotted it on the blackboard, it's not always there and this increases its allure.)
My Kids' favourite: Small freshly squeezed juice, either apple with carrot or orange with carrot.


Pearl Oyster Espresso

This place comes a very close second as overall favourite, especially if the weather is good you can find me in its lovely courtyard under the apple tree sipping an iced coffee. (Winner of best Iced Coffee according to Florence.) This place is perfect for kids, as it has some toys, an awesome outdoor area (smoke free) and fantastic cakes. I always drink Cappuccinos (Coffee Supreme) here because they come with lots of real grated chocolate on top and a little chocolate coated coffee bean, so nice and indulgent! High chairs available.
My (and my kids') favourite indulgence: Iced Coffees & Vanilla Cupcake with cream cheese icing (see photos).

Other 'Kids welcome' cafes I like:

Penny Farthing: Great coffee (strong, self-roasted Industry Beans), fantastic food. Courtyard. Open Late!!

Cheshire: Nice coffee (Supreme), relaxed atmosphere, high chairs, home baked cakes.

Boundary Espresso: Good coffee (Supreme), small and intimate. High chairs.

Breakfast Club: Nice coffee (Also Supreme, I think), small & intimate with little courtyard out the back. Cute decor.

Lady Bower Kitchen: fairly new cafe in Reservoir, nice coffee (don't know the beans yet), home-made cakes and monthly tea parties. Cute place.

Dench Bakers: Coffee is not always good, but nearly always. Amazing bread and food makes up for all that, though. I go here for their amazing bacon, too. It's just too delicious. (I love bacon! I can't help it.)


My 'get away from the kids' cafes: 
As a respectful token to me sharing these awesome cafes with you, please consider leaving the littlies at home every now and then when you visit them, so these cafes stay as peaceful as I like them, and enjoy some peace and quiet yourself! ; ) 

Carolina: Fairly new cafe in Brunswick east, in an old shoemaker's shop. Fantastic coffee (Seven Seeds), great atmosphere, fabulous decor and amazing courtyard. Dangerously Awesome cakes. Open Late, liquor licence, great for after work drinks, too.

New Day Rising: Tiny, very hip cafe with good coffee (Five Senses) and nice breakfast. Très cool, groovy music & too small for prams!

Proud Mary: Super groovy coffee mecca (self-roasted beans) which buzzes with hip and trendy people at lunch, fantastic food, great atmosphere. I have only every been here at very busy lunch times and have not seen one child in there, but it's big enough to bring one or two in between busy breakfast & lunch times if you must ; ).

Any Seven Seeds cafe (there are 3): Self-roasted beans, tasty menus, hip atmosphere, nearly always busy & buzzing.

Min Lokal: Tucked away and small with yummy coffee (I think it's Supreme), cute little courtyard (smoking allowed) and sweet service.

Mitte: Small and cosy, yummy coffee (not sure about which beans) and menu. Great cakes.


Ok, that'll do for now. Like I said before, it's a very limited list, but it's just a snapshot out of my favourites. Of course, there are always more cafes popping up, which I love. Cafes are so Melbourne and it's one of the things which bring me happiness!


Oh and for those of you in Amsterdam, Good Coffee can be had at Two for Joy and Screaming Beans.

And in London, Monmouth Coffee and Fernandez & Wells (they serve triple shots as standard there, I had to ask for a 'weak' coffee! Be prepared).

Ciao.

Two for Joy in Amsterdam

Coffee

So, the whole coffee thing. If you know me, or if you've read my old blog, you will know I am a bit of a coffee snob. I have only been drinking coffee since I was about 21, I never drank coffee in my native Netherlands, where I lived until I was 19 (Well, 18 years and 51 weeks), I drank tea. Dutch people are quite inclined to black tea drinking, and more recently the Dutch go for a fresh mint tea with honey. Just FYI, you know, in case you were interested in the tea-drinking habits of the Dutch. But then, a lot of you are Dutch and know this already.

Sorry, I digress. I do that quite often, so you might want to get used to it.

Anyway, back to coffee. So, at 21 my then-boyfriend convinced me I should drink coffee, because he said coffee is awesome. He turned out to be right, especially in Melbourne. I cannot blame myself for not liking coffee before I moved to Melbourne because most home-made coffee (which would have been what I would have be drinking) in the Netherlands is drip-filter coffee made by gurgling machines, which I still don't like. It's weak and yuck.

My first Melbourne coffee was made in a stove-top percolator. To be honest, it is not that far from drip-filter coffee, as it is quite weak. But because my BF made it strong with lots of milk and sugar (I generally like things that are creamy and sweet) so I quite liked it and started ordering 'weak lattes with two sugars' in cafes. And that's when it happened. I became a coffee drinker.

Now, I'm a 'skinny cap with one sugar' (cappuccino with skim-milk) kind of girl, because coffee and chocolate are a match made in heaven (in Australia cappuccinos traditionally have chocolate in them, though that is not how they are served elsewhere around the world) and the skinny milk thing is just to make me feel like I am at least compensating my sugar intake with less fat. It's silly, I know.

I am the kind of person that when I learn something new, or get into something new, I want to learn all about it and preferably become very good at it. That's how I was with driving, that's how I was at school, that's how I am with Yoga. If I cannot do the firefly (which I can't quite yet) I will want to perfect it one day. Anyway, so when I started making coffee at home, I realised that percolator coffee will never match cafe-made coffee because cafe-made coffee is made by espresso machines. And when I started working as a waitress in a cafe, I became intrigued and obsessed with espresso machines and this magical creature called a 'barista'. I wanted to be one. The joy I felt when drinking a good coffee was something I wanted to be able to produce myself, and give to others.

So I did a coffee making course at the William Angliss Institute, and started working in a cafe that roasted its own beans (a heavenly scent) called Icoco in South Melbourne (now closed, unfortunately) and then at a small espresso bar in the city called Alley Oop (unfortunately also closed). Let me just point out that both of these places did not close due to my coffee making skills, ok! It was more than 6 years ago I worked there and the hospitality industry is tough for small places like these. Anyway, while working at these places I soon learned the difference between good coffee and BAAAAAAD coffee. Coffee is a science, and it takes a lot to get it right. There are entire blogs dedicated to that.

So, coffee became equal to pleasure for me. And at first I would get take away coffees, but I haven't done that for years. "Going for Coffee" is a moment to enjoy. Going out for coffee has become a ritual to me, a sacred ritual that must not be tarnished by doing anything else, especially things one would do when you are consuming a 'take away' like walking or driving which requires your attention.

Coffee needs to be consumed from a ceramic cup, and stirred by a metal spoon. It doesn't taste as good in a plastic/paper cup stirred with a plastic spoon or worse, a little wooden stick. ERGH! Those little sticks are horrible - rough on the tongue when you lick the coffee off it, and with way too much stick flavour. In my take-away days I would carry a metal teaspoon in my handbag just to stir my coffee with because I was so repulsed by the stick-stirrer.

But now, going for coffee is a moment or joy, a moment of self-rewarding, a moment to think and take stock of my day, my life, my handbag, my friends, my apps, and peruse a good magazine or read a good book, or even just let my eyes wander around and witness other people. Also, the added joy of a friend to chat with is also quite nice. Coffee with friends is one of my favourite things in life. It's like the marriage of taste-bud pleasure and heart-soothing comfort. And the ambiance of a cafe makes coffee tastes better too. If it's a nice cafe, with nice food and nice staff, the coffee is immediately tastier. Fact.

A lot of people are not so fussy with coffee. That's cool. I find it hard to grasp that most people cannot tell when coffee is bad, or just don't mind it. I have been known to simply leave a cup of coffee because it was bad. That's how I got the title 'coffee snob' or the less friendly 'coffee Nazi'. Coffee is not particularly good for you, especially not in large quantities, so I decided that if I'm going to consume something that is not so very healthy, I will not waste it on poor quality stuff. Go the good stuff or just leave it. So now when friends want to 'do coffee' with me, I always suggest specific cafes that I know serves good coffee. Luckily there are smartphone apps for finding good cafes. (Also this one and this one.) And there's also the trusty interwebs for finding good coffee in other parts of the world.

I will dedicate an entire post to cafes I know to drink good (in my opinion) coffee at. I shall specify which ones are child-friendly cafes and which ones are good for escaping from the little peoples.

But for now, you have been informed on why I talk a lot about coffee. Well, I talk in a lot in general and I am quite opinionated so it's not unusual for me to talk a lot about anything.

Amazing cappuccino made by two times Dutch Barista champion Sander Schat.

Responsibility

(This is my 3rd post. I am yet to figure out how to make this blog show you my posts chronologically, but for now, just start with the first post manually, by selecting my earlier posts in the blog archive on your right there.)

Being a nanny is so much fun. I get to be at the zoo on lovely sunny days while a lot of people are behind their desk, staring out the window, or even too busy to look out the window. I get to have picnic lunches with kind and fun mothers and their children, we chat while watching little bundles of joy run down grassy hills holding hands like a daisy chain and then fall in a giggling heap at the bottom.

Moments like that I take a deep breath, smile and count my blessings. This is part of why I am constantly quite a cheerful person, and people, including the person who suggested I give tips on how to be happy, see me as a happy person. I am, indeed, a happy person. I can't say my life is easy, but I have learnt from my own wonderful mother to savour moments, to charge myself with the joy such moments can give me so my battery of life is nearly always full of happy.

But this job also comes with a great deal of responsibility. I am the person parents trust to guard their children, to be there when they cannot. And I do not take that responsibility lightly. 

I would like to explain to you the difference between a nanny and a babysitter, before I continue, because the biggest difference is responsibility. A babysitter is the person you call to come to your house in the evening every now and then, to mostly sit on your couch while the children sleep. Or maybe they will take your kid out every now and then in the afternoon to a park, or something like that. A nanny is a person who looks after people's children on a weekly basis, often for a whole long day, or several, and takes them to school/swimming/kindergarten/ballet and things like that. A nanny drives the family car, cooks in the family kitchen and tidies up after the kids in their house. And, most importantly, a nanny feels just as responsible as parents for teaching kids right from wrong, how to use manners, and how to navigate life on this amazing planet of ours. A nanny raising kids, too. We don't just play with them. 

I am, as I've written before, quite strict. My kids are not allowed to talk with their mouth full, are not allowed to roll their eyes at other people's remarks (child or adult) or use rude language, for example. My kids will tell you I have lots of rules. And, they will also tell you, they are easy to stick to because the rules make sense. I always explain why I want certain behaviour. I want these fantastic little people to become fantastic, well-balanced adults one day. Adults that take responsibility for their actions, stand up for whats right, and consider other people they share the world with. Kids are not just small people with many questions. Kids are future adults.

I find answering kids' questions very easy. And because I nearly always get a good night's sleep and look after my own happiness by frequenting many cafes with excellent coffee and good food, often in the company of lovely friends, I have plenty of energy and patience to explain things to my kids. For some unknown reason I have been blessed with the skill of speaking 'kid'. 'Kid' is a simple language, but it had many words. It can be a slow language, but it's often very creative. It can be extremely repetitive, but I don't mind. "Please sit on your bottom, I don't want you to fall off your chair and hurt yourself." "Please sit down, sweetheart, if you stand on your chair you might fall and hurt yourself." "Could you please sit down, lovely, when you perch half on the armrest like that you can lose your balance and fall." See, I'm fluent.

Also, kids like me and they listen to me. They just do. I don't know how, but they just feel comfortable with me. As I write this I am babysitting for a friend (sitting on his couch using their wifi while their baby girl sleeps). She had never really properly met me before, but I walk in and she reaches out her arms to me, quite happy to be handed over to me. Now I've been told she's usually quite friendly with everyone, but still, I like it. She looks at my face and smiles. She's ok with me. 

Not everyone has that effect on children, let me tell you. My husband has three bothers and his eldest brother has two sons, and when they were quite little, they used to cry when they would see one of his younger brothers. It was quite hilarious. Admittedly, this brother is quite a big man and has a beard. Maybe they would cry too if I had a beard. 

I like teaching kids things, I love seeing how one week they are struggling with something, the next they're freewheeling and showing off what they can do. Tying shoelaces. Braiding Barbie's hair. Puzzles, games, tricky tongue twisters. Riding bikes! I wish I could learn things that quickly still. But alas, my French takes the same kind of dedication that kids put into their achievements and I just don't have the same amount of time or stamina to practise. 

Anyway. Just a bit about what I like about being a nanny. It's a good thing to be. 

Mothers

(This is my second post, if you're new to my blog, start with my first post, by clicking the bottom link called The super nanny who knows where to go for coffee and how to be happy in the blog archive on the right)
Here's a topic I talk about a lot. Being, having, becoming, friends who are a mother. There is nothing more loving in this world than a mother, in my opinion. And there are not many people who deserve more support, encouragement, cheers and admiration than mothers, and not a lot of them get enough of that.

But I, for one, am on the mother cheer squad. My own mother is an endless source of love and support,  and all mothers I know do more than I could possibly do in so many ways. First of all they have done the scariest thing I can imagine: they have been pregnant and given birth. Shudder. No, obviously I am not a mother myself.
Secondly, they have knowingly given up their lovely coupledom with their partner/husbands to dedicate their time to another person, or even several other persons. They have given up sleeping in, full nights' sleep, going out on a whim, unplanned all-nighters with friends, eating out regularly at nice restaurants, quiet holidays, oh the list goes on.

And being a mother is friggin' hard. I know, though not many other non-mother women know the extent of it. Let alone most men. It is much, much easier being a nanny than it is being a mother. Children respect me, listen to me, behave like perfect little angels when it's just them and me. But when mum gets home from a hard day's work, often the little angels turn into little demons at a time when a mothers just wants their kids to be lovely and cuddly. But they put on their most whiniest voice, cry hysterically over nothing, or go totally berserk for no reason at all. Well, there is a reason, but they can't express by just using their nice voices: "MUM! YOU LEFT ME FOR A WHOLE HOUR/FEW HOURS/DAY AND NOW I NEED YOUR FULL ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU STILL LOVE ME THE VERY MOST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD AND YOU WILL NOT EVER GO AWAY FOREVER! LOVE ME! RIGHT NOW! I COMMAND YOU!"

Children know your buttons, and they will push them until you go 'Boom'. I have seen it happen over and over again.

If there's one thing I have learnt from this job is that mothers do not get a break. I do not get a nice one hour lunch break in the sun with my colleagues or a good book, because children need all-day attention. Obviously most mothers' lives are the same, unless your kid is still little enough to have days sleeps. For you I have five words: Enjoy it while it lasts! Of course you do have school-age to look forward to, as well. Don't worry. Every phase is exactly that, a finite amount of time that will pass.

But my most important piece of advice to you is this: Don't forget about yourself. Don't forget the woman you are. Don't forget the wife/partner your husband/partner fell in love with. Nourish that woman as much as you nourish your kids. Don't stop doing what used to make you happy before you had kids. So hire a nanny.

What I do enables mothers to be just a woman again. It can be very hard for them to realise that, and to act accordingly, but it is a fact. I sometimes have to remind mothers, especially first-time mothers, or long-time nanny-less mothers, not to go and run errands or go supermarket shopping but to go to a movie, or go to a cafe and read a book, or go catch up with a friend. Shopping and errands can also be done with children, yes, it is more challenging, but it can be done. But dedicating uninterrupted time to your own mind, or to your friends' minds is impossible with children around. Hear me, sweet, amazing mothers, you need time for your own lovely heads and hearts.

Only a happy, balanced woman can be a happy balanced mother, only a mother who cares about her own happiness can care completely for their kids happiness. A happy mother equals a happy home life. A mother who gets the time and space to take some time to relax, can have the energy to dedicate the rest of her life to her kids. I have seen too many mothers who by the time they hired me were nothing but a mother. 'Hover mums', or exhausted mums, or mums with no more patience. Hard to witness, I have to say. I see them in the supermarket, I see them wearing their kid-dirt/vomit stained clothes, their eyes ringed with exhaustion and their fuses so short they yell at their kids because they just cannot handle that irritating little voice asking the impossible once again.

What nannies do also allows women to go back to work. To be with other adults and do adult tasks and take on responsibilities that need their adult intellect and concentration. This is something that is also incredibly important if you want to be a balanced mother. You might have forgotten that life does not revolve around your children. The world is much bigger than that and you are a part of it, too. It will also help you relate to your breadwinning partner who spends most of their time out there. It will also help you explain that world to your littlies, and teach them they will be part of it too.

I have to say though, one thing I find incredibly hard to witness is mothers get manipulated by their kids. Mothers can be such strong women, roaring lions when they are protecting their cubs or standing up for their friends. But sometimes when their kids want something, they fold like wet napkins.
When I am there and the mother is there, I am no longer the go-to adult and mothers are always top dog in the pack, as it should be. Children know this. They will push for things I won't allow, and children won't ask me for those things when we are alone either.
I have seen mothers give their phones, keys, wallets to their toddlers. This is when the "NOOO! DON'T DO IT" siren that goes off in my head. In my world, there are children's toys and grown ups' things, and they are not one and the same. Yes, every now and then you may let your child have a game on your smart phone, under your supervision and with the explicit explanation that this a special event and that this is YOUR special favourite 'toy' and they should treat it with respect. It works, believe me. Even with kids who do not speak yet themselves, you can tell them this is a special occasion and they do not have the right to grab your phone/keys/wallet from your bag whenever they please. My phone has received text messages from mothers I work for written by babies/toddles saying something like this: "serlj ;j;bbmn;d gmwae;ga erhbafjawoev" or calls with little voices happily chatting away on the other end and the mother in the background totally unaware that their darling has just called me.

Mothers, don't let your enormous love be used against you. I know you have to pick your battles. But remember what's the worst that can happen in a battle with a child? Your kid will throw a tantrum. So what. Let them rant and rave and go nuts. It hurts them more than it hurts you and I promise you they won't die no matter how long they go on. Explain calmly and clearly that no means no, and give them an alternative to what they want and ignore their pleas. Do not negotiate, do not engage in bargaining. Stick to your guns. Take it or leave it, kid. It's hard at first, I know, but it's worth it if you stick to it. They will learn that throwing tantrums is hard, unpleasant work that does not get rewarded no matter how hard they labour. Reward them when they have calmed down with a cuddle and an appropriate toy/event they enjoy. Tell them 'I understand you want my phone, but it is not a toy.' They will learn, I swear.

But I admire mothers. I could not be one, not right now. I love how lovely they are, and I love how widely their love spreads. I have come to people's houses to look after kids, and found completely cooked meals for me, my favourite tea in the pantry with biscuits to match, boxes of chocolate, lunches prepared with the crusts cut off my sandwiches. Their care is just endless. It is amazing to revel in. I enjoy this love on a regular basis, I am so lucky to know so many mothers. My own mum can not spoil me enough when I am at her house, her hugs are still the warmest feeling in the world. Mothers are the best friend a kid will ever have. Mothers are the kindest people of all people, because the moment they started loving a little person, their love in general just grows a thousandfold. Mothers, you rule.

The super nanny who knows where to go for coffee and how to be happy

So a friend of mine, a mother whose lovely kids I look after, suggested I start a blog. She told me I should write about (her words): being a super nanny, knowing where to go for coffees in Melbourne, and how to be happy. She said I am good at all of those things.

It's always nice to hear when somebody says you're good at something, and especially nice when they are things you think are important things to be good at.

So, here I am. This blog is going to contain information about all of those things, and I hope to be a useful source of information for lots of people. This is my first blog with an audience in mind and I hope you'll give me feedback and suggestions, as my other blog was more like a journal or diary.

If you are wanting some sort of credibility assurance as to why you should follow my tips and blog: I have been a nanny for over 6 years, have been a barista and a coffee lover long before that and I have been happy for most of my life. So I guess you could say I am experienced when it comes to those three things. Of course, I know stuff about other things too. I will also share with you my experience with other things, as I talk a lot and since I write like I talk, expect there to be a lot of writing.

In the course of my very exciting life, I have learnt a lot of things from very wise people. Very wise old people, like my mother and other people's mothers, very wise peers, like my friends and role models, and very wise little people, like the tons of kids I have met and love in my life.

You might want to know why my blog is called 'The Accidental Nanny', and that's because when I was younger I didn't particularly like children and I thought I was going to be a novelist. I did a TAFE course in Professional Writing and Editing, and then struggled doing a Masters in Creative Writing. And when I finished I had already lost my mojo, but I tried so hard to get a job in the publishing industry or as a writer for so long, and I was sadly very unsuccessful, and I got very depressed about my abilities and skills and could no longer write application letters stating I was good at writing because I no longer felt that way. Losing one's mojo is a painful experience and it really gets you down.

Then, I very incidentally met two little girls of 4 and 6, my then boyfriend's half sisters. I spent a few days at their house and we got on like a house on fire. I found I spoke their language, I understood and could join in in their imaginative play, and they adored me. Their mum told me I should do something with children, as I was naturally good at it. She said that I should let the whole job application circus roll on without me for a little bit and just do something fun that I enjoyed. To get my mojo back, sort of thing.

So I placed an ad on the website findababysitter.com.au and within no time I had my first family. The one thing that people commented on as being their number one reason for calling me was that I wrote that I do not believe in TV as a babysitter. Children need to be stimulated in more ways than just being given things to look at.

I love children. They are such amazing company. I love their enthusiasm, their directness, their honesty, I also love the hilarious lies they tell, the way they never doubt you, and their eagerness to make you happy. Children are simple creatures, with boundless energy and love inside them, and a curiosity that will drive you crazy. Children are not stupid, and you do not need to talk down to them, or put on a baby voice. You don't ever need to yell at them, either. Children understand so much more than parents give them credit for, and they feel everything, even if they can not talk yet. They need to know what's coming, so that they can feel in control. It's simple, like I said.

I am a strict nanny, but I am fair and fun. I do not let my children watch tv, unless they are sick. I might let them watch a movie every now and then, or a little video (like Charlie & Lola) chosen by me on YouTube as a reward. I believe that today's children will spend enough time of their lives looking at screens. Technology is encroaching on our lives at a deadly pace and as much as I love how it makes our lives easier, I also know it can be a black hole for our time on this earth together.

I have very firm rules, clear boundaries, and I believe that rewards are the better way to teach a child about what's wrong and right than discipline, but I do believe discipline can be a useful tool. But if you guide a child the right way, you will barely need to use discipline techniques.

So, that's a little bit about me as a nanny. I will soon tell you more about me as a coffee snob and me as a happy person, but that'll do for now. I do not claim to be an expert on anything, and my tips and tricks might not work for you. But they work for me and if they work for others, I shouldn't keep them to myself. Who doesn't want to be happy, good with kids, and drinking the best coffee around?

 In future posts I will share with you funny anekdotes, the best playgrounds I know, the way to get kids to sleep, where to go for coffee, what to do with kids on rainy days, how to live in the moment, how to be happily married and explain to you my obsession with organisation. But for now, that'll be all.
Class dismissed!